Utusan Malaysia Online - Timur

Hats off to all of you

Utusan Malaysia Online - Timur

Office madness

Things at the office have been rather chaotic lately. Everybody seems to be on the run trying hard some out of compulsion to get things done on time or risk themselves of all the expected clichés of the what-have-you-done, when-can –you –get-everything- done and  did-I-tell -you -so third degree from the one in that   big cosy chair. I’m doing just the same. With deadlines to meet I’m working to the best of my ability to satisfy everybody I’m dealing with especially the ones pertaining to INTEC. An English course designed to help those who are still with MUET bands 1 & 2 to graduate. This 1 month course is scheduled to be held early next month. I think that one has always been a major concern not only for people in my department but also the top management, apprehensive actually of the students’ performance in MUET that would definitely cost them their graduation. It’s been made a policy that those who fail to get a good grade in MUET will not be allowed to graduate. That worries the living daylight out of the students themselves and I personally feel sorry for the them as many of them have actually taken the exam many time but to no avail. I hope with the crash course which we are going to offer will be of great help to at least make them improve their communication skill before they jump into the real working world.

Another programme that is going to happen which is slated to take place next week is ICELT. The 1^st International Colloquium on the teaching and learning of English. This event is a joint collaboration with Prince of Songkla University in Pattani.  8 lectures from both universities will present their papers on that day. Everybody in the office is starting to get into the swing of it with the designated tasks to finish before Monday. I could see that everybody seems to be intensely rushing to complete their share of work with me having to prepare the MC script with my friends Tia and Kvl. But I guess both of them do no really need me as I believe they can execute the task by themselves with flying colours. :P

The one thing that is making me work so hard to get all this done with is  the fact that these two major events of the year will be my last assignments before I leave for my MA’s.  The excitement has all taken over me already. It leaves me with another 3 months to serve PPBPI to the best of my ability before the enrolment. The prospect of the learning pursuits has started me to get myself prepared for the next two years to win this pitched battle. Now I have started to get myself familiar with research, journals and all that jazz so that I can perform well in my studies. I do hope everything will go as planned.

A Dedication To My Parents

It really makes me swoon with delight to be home again for the umpteenth time already to see my one and only precious source of strength whose love for me as far as I can remember has never withered away. My beloved parents. People say parents’ love is one of the strongest forces on earth. Distinctive on its own. I totally concur with that nicely put powerful statement as I have witnessed and felt myself the gush of my parents’ love. I must say that It doesn’t bear any comparison at all with other loves. It’s so pure and sincere. It is Godsend. It is divine.

I cannot help but take pity on them as they have done a lot to bring up their 11 children this far. Though not all have been able to become what they always wanted us to be, I can however sense and see that satisfying look they compose out of perhaps a celebration of their triumph as parents. I’m really really proud of these two heroes of mine. The patience exuded throughout those years of ups and downs has never seized to amaze me in every sense. Their endurance over incessant obstacles in life is unbeatable. I can only smile and cherish their continuous effort in trying on top form to create a picture of a happy family albeit a bit of a flaw in the noble effort. Hats off to both of them for having tried the best of their ability to become truly responsible parents for us.

True to form, as parents should be, they without fail will always be there for me apart from being the typically industrious bread winners to support this poor family. My father  used to be a teacher but was later laid off by his boss who happened to be his good friend to my surprise for not sharing the same political ideology with him. It left my father jobless but it was not too long before he stood on his feet again doing odd jobs and later joined the political force of a party on a full time basis to fend for the whole family. My Mother helped him support the family with rubber taping, bottle cleaning and brick molding . Life back then was very difficult. I can still recall those days when I had to talk sense into my own self to brace for what God was giving us. Earning our crest and then having to share food was the common picture of what was going on with us. If the memory serves me right, I can still remember having to wear worn-out hand- me-downs for the whole year because my father could not afford to buy new ones for me. Things became a lot worse when they had to bear with one of their recalcitrant sons who had always created problems at the cost of my parents’ right to have the same comfort and well-being like everybody else did. Scenes of the unpleasant past will always be etched in my memory.

But now things have turned out well with this family. I am always a great believer of divine intervention in human’s passage of time. It speaks volumes with most of their children have, by the grace of God managed to secure a good job and live happily with their family now. All their effort has already paid off I believe. 

To my parents Abdullah Ali and Nik Hasmah Nik Ibrahim I love both of you so much and to my mother especially I, from the bottom of my heart would like to wish you a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

My all-time favourite poem

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud- William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Mr Lonely

Have you ever felt like retreating to a solitary confinement away from this human’s never-ending search for immortality for good? When you feel that you’ve had enough of what the world has to offer and you can’t help but succumb to its incessant temptations, that would be the best avenue to turn to. I have done just as that for the past few months in trying to comprehend the fact of life which is way beyond my ken. I have been so much in despair to think of when would be the end of this spiritual predicament. I’m lost and bewildered and in constant effort to try to step out and make meaning out of my life. What a wretch I am. As much as you when reading this entry are sick of my seemingly endless laments over my own life I feel the worse. I hate this feeling preying on my mind. I hate it when I have to pretend that everything is fine with me. I hate it even more when I have to keep up appearances for the sake of others’ happiness and I hate it when I have to pen this down ....I think this confinement is all I need the most at the moment.

New Semester

The new semester has just started. My first class commenced on Sunday despite a bit of a problem with the timetable. Although there are a few clashes yet to be solved all the same the class have to resume. I teach 3 English for Business classes and 1 English 1 class this semester and am looking forward to those classes that I’ve promised to myself to give the best I could to help my beloved students improve their English.

Teaching to me is not only a career that I do to keep my body and soul together rather I take is as a vocation, something that I revere and defines me as an individual. The passion that I have for the noble profession is beyond description that I believe being one commands a great deal of respects though that’s not what I wish for. obviously The profession speaks for itself . Other professions are equally important yet I believe teaching is distinctive in its own way as to compare with its counterpart. Only those in the profession could tell them apart.

Blessed with the best job the world could offer I always make myself aware of the amanah God is testing me with and put myself together to strive for the very best to deliver it accordingly. For every heartbeat I devote to teaching I wish a big reward from the One up there. Handling my students is every bit the reminiscence of how during the good old days in my school years when my teachers had to do the same. I now could readily connect myself to their conscientious efforts in dealing with students of different characteristics albeit perhaps a totally different approach we subscribe, yet the objective is the same. To educate them or at least for some that think it is big a word, to show them ways, good ones of course for them to opt for what they think best fits them for their lives. I always tell my students regardless of anything that might hinder them from achieving their dreams that they have to believe in themselves and put their best foot forward to make them a reality.

One and half year of teaching has tremendously given me fascinating and thought-provoking insights into education though I believe I still leave a lot to be desired. Thus I will take whatever ways and means I could to better myself in that regard. Undoubtedly, I have a long way to go and I will keep going till I reach the ultimate satisfaction; students who are morally and academically commendable being produced who will be of great significance to the society and posses the same wish as I do or ever better. It’s no bed of roses but I’ll do my part to the best of my ability and keep my words to that. To all my students out there, Happy learning!!!

UMK-PSU English Camp

3 weeks of hiatus and now I’m back again. Hats off s to those involved in the recently held International English camp collaborated with PSU for the hard work and dedication exuded throughout the 3 day program.

It was indeed a sheer success not only to UMK as a whole but also to the working committee who had slogged their guts out to make it a reality and delivered accordingly as planned. The preparation was a bit uncertain at the outset as we had encountered a bit of a problem with the procedures, but we, by the grace of God, managed to sail through all the same safe in the knowledge that this first ever international collaboration would go down the treat. I could see throughout the 3 day program that all participants took part in all the activities in great relish. Their participation was indeed commendable. It really met the objectives to help students to at least get them to speak a word or two since most of them were weak in their command of the language.

The programme indeed served as a platform for them to polish and improve themselves in a fun way different from the conventional methods of teaching that they undergo in classroom. I always believe that learning languages should be made fun and interesting so as to trigger the students’ interest in the language. All in all, the programme was a success and it’s been decided that this English camp will be done on a yearly basis to the benefit of both UMK and PSU’s students.

UPDATES..

It’s been a while since my last post. To get back on writing again really takes a lot of effort despite the fact that stories you would want to blog about can readily be culled from those months of experiences you have had. To put stories into words is not easy as it seems. It seems that my head is in the complete state of frozen paralysis not knowing how to begin all over again. Well let me start with my working life. Well, it’s been up and up for me. I’m starting to re-establish my connection with my job I once frowned upon. It was not deliberate a discontent and depression when I was beginning to put my heart and soul into it only to succumb to people’s deconstructive criticism over my job with their ripping off my confidence and zest. I’ve begun to realize that academics are all also liable to making big mistakes on a very a simple reason that there are humans like me. Thus relegating people because of their performances and being novice to the job they are responsible for is just uncalled for and it does show their not being unfair to themselves when they too used to go through the same process of learning in their life. It’s like rooms for improvement are all shut down and no second chances are allowed. Thanks to those kindi hearted people helping me to find my way, I managed to get it over with standing on my head. I've been repeatedly told to keep a cold head throughout. I’m doing just that and it works.

The past 4 months have seen numerous things worth rate of mention here. The story of the year would be an opportunity given to expand my career path. I won’t let people around me down. I will definitely show to them that I measure up to their expectation and am capable of doing things assigned to me. Students are on semester break at the moment. It really gives me some good space to readjust and re-energize my life for next year’s battle. Preparation for next semester’s class is yet to be finalized. Module writing is still in progress under Hj Wan’s supervision and constant fine-tuning is observed as a matter of course. English Camp collaborating with PSU university is slated to take place next week whose preparation is still up in the air despite a couple of meetings to get the ball rolling, yet it still sets my pulse racing; to meet those delegates coming for the program and to get it done with as soon as possible are all what I’m looking forward to. SEED and visit to PSU are also in the pipeline that both programmes also require manpower from my Centre to be part of the working committee. I hope everything will have been settled by tomorrow morning. It’s really been a great pleasure indeed to be working with the team I am with now. You guys rock!!

Dikesempatan Ini

Sudah dua bulan aku tidak meluangkan masa melakar ceritara kehidupan yang berlaku sepanjang tempoh ketiadaan aku disini. Aku terpaksa menghilangkan diri buat seketika dek kesibukan kerja yang tak pernah reda dan keresahan jiwa yang sentiasa mencuit-cuit aku perlukan sedikit ruang untuk menenangkan jiwa yang kelam dan kusam ini. Madrasah Ramadhan ini sedikit sebanyak telah mengubah hidup aku. Dari seorang yang tiada hala tuju kini aku sedar, berkat tarbiah bulan yang mulia ini aku lebih mengenali diri sendiri dan keperluan hidup ku yang singkat ini. Sekatan yang aku bina dulu dek keegoan untuk berkongsi suku duka kehidupan dengan insan lain sedikit sebanyak telah berjaya aku robohkan.

Aku akui dahulu aku adalah seorang yang sangat ego dan pentingkan diri sendiri. Aku seolah-olah menafikan kewujudan insan disekelilingku. Aku hanyut dalam duniaku sendiri dan pernah menyalahkan cara didikan sewaktu kecilku dahulu sehingga aku menjadi seorang manusia yang tidak begitu sensitif dengan apa yang terjadi di sekitarku. Terlalu banyak kisah duka menjadikan aku seorang manusia yang keras hati dan ragu- ragu akan keberadaan manusia disisi. Percanggahan perasaan yang aku alami antara rasa ingin bersendirian dan berteman sentiasa silih berganti membuatkan aku sentiasa berhati-hati untuk menerima kesudian insan lain mendekatiku.

Ramadhan kali ini memberi seribu satu makna pada diri ini dan biarlah makna itu menjadi rahsia hidupku. Aku bersyukur kerana diberi kesempatan untuk aku merasai ketenanagn dan kilau cahaya ramadani ini. Kesempatan singkat inilah sahaja dapat aku gunakan sebaik mungkin untuk aku merasai akan kesayuan dan kelazatan rasa nikmat ketengan itu yang telah lama aku inginkan . Kalau pun aku bergembira, ianya hanya bersifat sementara dan tidak mampu menjadi bibit bibit kenangan yang boleh aku ingati dan hargai. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini bukan Ramadhan yang terakhir..

Terima kasih Ramadhan

Love

I’m drowning in perplexity of perpetual knocks on my heart. Muffled voices from deep within keep telling me to reflect on my very existence. In heartrending solitude I try to make my way out to self-betterment but only to encounter a great many more ordeals that lie ahead of me. ‘That is life’ I’ve been told. The long-winding road to the peak of self-fulfillment seems rather bleak and without much hope. The road that I used to take has proved futile and now I am trying to continue the journey with the last choice that I have. I could see lush green valleys a long the way rendering sweet smiles and songs of sweet lullabies as I pass by. Those hearty pieces of music of the nature give me life and those broken specks of long shattered happiness of mine have begun to reshape and resolve into a petrified symbol that is called LOVE.

His Yesterday

Through the slit of the glasses,
Pasted plainly with white papers
Pensive, he overmuch misses
Solace snatched by the rapers

He’s groggy in agony,
Envious of the nature he sees,
Singing, humming merrily,
Showing him off its beauties

He wishes he was the breeze,
Dancing gladly with the leaves,
Pleasing creation as it blows,
Spreading love as red as a rose

O! he sadly groans and badly mourns
Over fate he has chosen
He wishes he was reborn
Himself, that’s long been gone

He told me he was afraid,
Wearing clothes of his old trait
I told him don’t hesitate
Wear it and you'll be great

For when you have Him with you
Forever your heart be true

Once Again

I’m not sure whether this is something that I can make it through. Before coming here I was pretty sure that this is what I had always wanted. This was right up my streets. This was something that defined me. But it has occurred to me that this is no easy job. And It leaves me in depravity of motivation to continue my service here.I hope it’s just a passing feeling, the very feeling that has always become the bane of my life since I started working here .A friend of mine said that I was too ambitious that I couldn’t come to terms to my current situation, being a novice who needs to accept the fact that the learning process is a long way to go. Yes, It does not happen overnight. However hard I try to get shot of it, it stills keeps trying to crowd on in me. It makes me feel dispirited. What’s more with not-so -good stories I’ve heard about myself lately. There are souls out here think that I m not really up to the mark . Ironically why they chose me to be working with them in the first place if they think of me otherwise. I must say I’m a bit baffled as to what they really want from me and now I’m beginning to doubt my own ability whether or not I am really cut out for the job. Only time will tell.

My oh My

I really had a bad hair day today. The morning didn’t turn out well for me when I got to know that one of the big wigs at my workplace is still speaking ill of me. He seems to be dissatisfied with my English when nobody has, as far as I know, a problem with it. I heard that he doesn’t like me putting on an American accent with a bit of its Kelantanese counterpart when I speak. Well, what’s the big deal about it? I’ve been using it for as long as I can remember and no body has so far lamed into me in that matter. What’s hurt me is the fact that he keeps telling people he meets the same story, of me not clearly pronouncing words and all. I do admit that I need to work a bit on my voice projection and I think that is what has caused this hullabaloo. Such a chatterbox he is. He shouldn’t have chosen me for the position in the first place if he thought that I was not up to the mark. This whole thing leaves me in despair and frustration. His bad-mouthing would definitely affect me in someway. Other staff are likely have doubt about my ability in my own field. What have I done really that he seems to have no pang of guilt in spreading bad stories about me? Hasn’t he got something better to do? Being on top doesn’t mean that he has every right to criticize people and being genius doesn’t even make him any better from his subordinates. Argh, enough about the person. I should actually count my self lucky for having such good friends- a bunch of rays of sunshine I would take them as, that I can always rely on. They tried so hard to pacify me this morning so that I didn’t really take it to heart.

By the way, I had a great outing with a few of my jovial and irritatingly fun colleagues just now. We went out to have our dinner at a restaurant that is just so abuzz with people looking for some respite I suppose. The place has become a stomping ground, I reckon for people in Kota Bharu on the weekend. They come here with friends and family that the ambiance of that place seems rather homey. It’s quite therapeutic to be seated by the riverbank while having your meals in the presence of those who never seize to make you laugh. They broke the night with jokes and funny anecdotes, mostly sleazy ones. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter throughout that joyfully half -crappy -half -informative chinwag. I really had the time of my life. How I wish I could make a night of it.

Here I am

Reading blogs has always been my cup of tea. Blogs filled with a whole lot of amazing stories by different kinds of people of different estimations on life never stop to amaze me. Sentiments intertwined in their stories gleaned from their experiences have urge me to share my own. Experiences that can probably serve as lessons of life .Besides; I think this is the only way by which I can hone my writing skills.-passion for writing that’s always been there for as long as I can remember.
It was actually this particular person who got me into blogging. A good friend of mine whose stories always get my attention. I had promised him to start my own blog, way back during years of my life at the Alma meter, but given the fact that the gut was still not there then, I decided to put it off until today, with the bursting desire to share what I’ve got, here I am, plopping in my seat, poised to pen for you stories that you may or may not like. Stories from someone who is still wet behind the ears, still in quest for a better life. Someone whose journey is filled with shards of past life. Someone who wants to make amend of those wasted past life and someone who’s willing to learn.

Happy reading