A Dedication To My Parents

It really makes me swoon with delight to be home again for the umpteenth time already to see my one and only precious source of strength whose love for me as far as I can remember has never withered away. My beloved parents. People say parents’ love is one of the strongest forces on earth. Distinctive on its own. I totally concur with that nicely put powerful statement as I have witnessed and felt myself the gush of my parents’ love. I must say that It doesn’t bear any comparison at all with other loves. It’s so pure and sincere. It is Godsend. It is divine.

I cannot help but take pity on them as they have done a lot to bring up their 11 children this far. Though not all have been able to become what they always wanted us to be, I can however sense and see that satisfying look they compose out of perhaps a celebration of their triumph as parents. I’m really really proud of these two heroes of mine. The patience exuded throughout those years of ups and downs has never seized to amaze me in every sense. Their endurance over incessant obstacles in life is unbeatable. I can only smile and cherish their continuous effort in trying on top form to create a picture of a happy family albeit a bit of a flaw in the noble effort. Hats off to both of them for having tried the best of their ability to become truly responsible parents for us.

True to form, as parents should be, they without fail will always be there for me apart from being the typically industrious bread winners to support this poor family. My father  used to be a teacher but was later laid off by his boss who happened to be his good friend to my surprise for not sharing the same political ideology with him. It left my father jobless but it was not too long before he stood on his feet again doing odd jobs and later joined the political force of a party on a full time basis to fend for the whole family. My Mother helped him support the family with rubber taping, bottle cleaning and brick molding . Life back then was very difficult. I can still recall those days when I had to talk sense into my own self to brace for what God was giving us. Earning our crest and then having to share food was the common picture of what was going on with us. If the memory serves me right, I can still remember having to wear worn-out hand- me-downs for the whole year because my father could not afford to buy new ones for me. Things became a lot worse when they had to bear with one of their recalcitrant sons who had always created problems at the cost of my parents’ right to have the same comfort and well-being like everybody else did. Scenes of the unpleasant past will always be etched in my memory.

But now things have turned out well with this family. I am always a great believer of divine intervention in human’s passage of time. It speaks volumes with most of their children have, by the grace of God managed to secure a good job and live happily with their family now. All their effort has already paid off I believe. 

To my parents Abdullah Ali and Nik Hasmah Nik Ibrahim I love both of you so much and to my mother especially I, from the bottom of my heart would like to wish you a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

My all-time favourite poem

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud- William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Mr Lonely

Have you ever felt like retreating to a solitary confinement away from this human’s never-ending search for immortality for good? When you feel that you’ve had enough of what the world has to offer and you can’t help but succumb to its incessant temptations, that would be the best avenue to turn to. I have done just as that for the past few months in trying to comprehend the fact of life which is way beyond my ken. I have been so much in despair to think of when would be the end of this spiritual predicament. I’m lost and bewildered and in constant effort to try to step out and make meaning out of my life. What a wretch I am. As much as you when reading this entry are sick of my seemingly endless laments over my own life I feel the worse. I hate this feeling preying on my mind. I hate it when I have to pretend that everything is fine with me. I hate it even more when I have to keep up appearances for the sake of others’ happiness and I hate it when I have to pen this down ....I think this confinement is all I need the most at the moment.

New Semester

The new semester has just started. My first class commenced on Sunday despite a bit of a problem with the timetable. Although there are a few clashes yet to be solved all the same the class have to resume. I teach 3 English for Business classes and 1 English 1 class this semester and am looking forward to those classes that I’ve promised to myself to give the best I could to help my beloved students improve their English.

Teaching to me is not only a career that I do to keep my body and soul together rather I take is as a vocation, something that I revere and defines me as an individual. The passion that I have for the noble profession is beyond description that I believe being one commands a great deal of respects though that’s not what I wish for. obviously The profession speaks for itself . Other professions are equally important yet I believe teaching is distinctive in its own way as to compare with its counterpart. Only those in the profession could tell them apart.

Blessed with the best job the world could offer I always make myself aware of the amanah God is testing me with and put myself together to strive for the very best to deliver it accordingly. For every heartbeat I devote to teaching I wish a big reward from the One up there. Handling my students is every bit the reminiscence of how during the good old days in my school years when my teachers had to do the same. I now could readily connect myself to their conscientious efforts in dealing with students of different characteristics albeit perhaps a totally different approach we subscribe, yet the objective is the same. To educate them or at least for some that think it is big a word, to show them ways, good ones of course for them to opt for what they think best fits them for their lives. I always tell my students regardless of anything that might hinder them from achieving their dreams that they have to believe in themselves and put their best foot forward to make them a reality.

One and half year of teaching has tremendously given me fascinating and thought-provoking insights into education though I believe I still leave a lot to be desired. Thus I will take whatever ways and means I could to better myself in that regard. Undoubtedly, I have a long way to go and I will keep going till I reach the ultimate satisfaction; students who are morally and academically commendable being produced who will be of great significance to the society and posses the same wish as I do or ever better. It’s no bed of roses but I’ll do my part to the best of my ability and keep my words to that. To all my students out there, Happy learning!!!

UMK-PSU English Camp

3 weeks of hiatus and now I’m back again. Hats off s to those involved in the recently held International English camp collaborated with PSU for the hard work and dedication exuded throughout the 3 day program.

It was indeed a sheer success not only to UMK as a whole but also to the working committee who had slogged their guts out to make it a reality and delivered accordingly as planned. The preparation was a bit uncertain at the outset as we had encountered a bit of a problem with the procedures, but we, by the grace of God, managed to sail through all the same safe in the knowledge that this first ever international collaboration would go down the treat. I could see throughout the 3 day program that all participants took part in all the activities in great relish. Their participation was indeed commendable. It really met the objectives to help students to at least get them to speak a word or two since most of them were weak in their command of the language.

The programme indeed served as a platform for them to polish and improve themselves in a fun way different from the conventional methods of teaching that they undergo in classroom. I always believe that learning languages should be made fun and interesting so as to trigger the students’ interest in the language. All in all, the programme was a success and it’s been decided that this English camp will be done on a yearly basis to the benefit of both UMK and PSU’s students.

UPDATES..

It’s been a while since my last post. To get back on writing again really takes a lot of effort despite the fact that stories you would want to blog about can readily be culled from those months of experiences you have had. To put stories into words is not easy as it seems. It seems that my head is in the complete state of frozen paralysis not knowing how to begin all over again. Well let me start with my working life. Well, it’s been up and up for me. I’m starting to re-establish my connection with my job I once frowned upon. It was not deliberate a discontent and depression when I was beginning to put my heart and soul into it only to succumb to people’s deconstructive criticism over my job with their ripping off my confidence and zest. I’ve begun to realize that academics are all also liable to making big mistakes on a very a simple reason that there are humans like me. Thus relegating people because of their performances and being novice to the job they are responsible for is just uncalled for and it does show their not being unfair to themselves when they too used to go through the same process of learning in their life. It’s like rooms for improvement are all shut down and no second chances are allowed. Thanks to those kindi hearted people helping me to find my way, I managed to get it over with standing on my head. I've been repeatedly told to keep a cold head throughout. I’m doing just that and it works.

The past 4 months have seen numerous things worth rate of mention here. The story of the year would be an opportunity given to expand my career path. I won’t let people around me down. I will definitely show to them that I measure up to their expectation and am capable of doing things assigned to me. Students are on semester break at the moment. It really gives me some good space to readjust and re-energize my life for next year’s battle. Preparation for next semester’s class is yet to be finalized. Module writing is still in progress under Hj Wan’s supervision and constant fine-tuning is observed as a matter of course. English Camp collaborating with PSU university is slated to take place next week whose preparation is still up in the air despite a couple of meetings to get the ball rolling, yet it still sets my pulse racing; to meet those delegates coming for the program and to get it done with as soon as possible are all what I’m looking forward to. SEED and visit to PSU are also in the pipeline that both programmes also require manpower from my Centre to be part of the working committee. I hope everything will have been settled by tomorrow morning. It’s really been a great pleasure indeed to be working with the team I am with now. You guys rock!!

Dikesempatan Ini

Sudah dua bulan aku tidak meluangkan masa melakar ceritara kehidupan yang berlaku sepanjang tempoh ketiadaan aku disini. Aku terpaksa menghilangkan diri buat seketika dek kesibukan kerja yang tak pernah reda dan keresahan jiwa yang sentiasa mencuit-cuit aku perlukan sedikit ruang untuk menenangkan jiwa yang kelam dan kusam ini. Madrasah Ramadhan ini sedikit sebanyak telah mengubah hidup aku. Dari seorang yang tiada hala tuju kini aku sedar, berkat tarbiah bulan yang mulia ini aku lebih mengenali diri sendiri dan keperluan hidup ku yang singkat ini. Sekatan yang aku bina dulu dek keegoan untuk berkongsi suku duka kehidupan dengan insan lain sedikit sebanyak telah berjaya aku robohkan.

Aku akui dahulu aku adalah seorang yang sangat ego dan pentingkan diri sendiri. Aku seolah-olah menafikan kewujudan insan disekelilingku. Aku hanyut dalam duniaku sendiri dan pernah menyalahkan cara didikan sewaktu kecilku dahulu sehingga aku menjadi seorang manusia yang tidak begitu sensitif dengan apa yang terjadi di sekitarku. Terlalu banyak kisah duka menjadikan aku seorang manusia yang keras hati dan ragu- ragu akan keberadaan manusia disisi. Percanggahan perasaan yang aku alami antara rasa ingin bersendirian dan berteman sentiasa silih berganti membuatkan aku sentiasa berhati-hati untuk menerima kesudian insan lain mendekatiku.

Ramadhan kali ini memberi seribu satu makna pada diri ini dan biarlah makna itu menjadi rahsia hidupku. Aku bersyukur kerana diberi kesempatan untuk aku merasai ketenanagn dan kilau cahaya ramadani ini. Kesempatan singkat inilah sahaja dapat aku gunakan sebaik mungkin untuk aku merasai akan kesayuan dan kelazatan rasa nikmat ketengan itu yang telah lama aku inginkan . Kalau pun aku bergembira, ianya hanya bersifat sementara dan tidak mampu menjadi bibit bibit kenangan yang boleh aku ingati dan hargai. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini bukan Ramadhan yang terakhir..

Terima kasih Ramadhan