Love

I’m drowning in perplexity of perpetual knocks on my heart. Muffled voices from deep within keep telling me to reflect on my very existence. In heartrending solitude I try to make my way out to self-betterment but only to encounter a great many more ordeals that lie ahead of me. ‘That is life’ I’ve been told. The long-winding road to the peak of self-fulfillment seems rather bleak and without much hope. The road that I used to take has proved futile and now I am trying to continue the journey with the last choice that I have. I could see lush green valleys a long the way rendering sweet smiles and songs of sweet lullabies as I pass by. Those hearty pieces of music of the nature give me life and those broken specks of long shattered happiness of mine have begun to reshape and resolve into a petrified symbol that is called LOVE.

His Yesterday

Through the slit of the glasses,
Pasted plainly with white papers
Pensive, he overmuch misses
Solace snatched by the rapers

He’s groggy in agony,
Envious of the nature he sees,
Singing, humming merrily,
Showing him off its beauties

He wishes he was the breeze,
Dancing gladly with the leaves,
Pleasing creation as it blows,
Spreading love as red as a rose

O! he sadly groans and badly mourns
Over fate he has chosen
He wishes he was reborn
Himself, that’s long been gone

He told me he was afraid,
Wearing clothes of his old trait
I told him don’t hesitate
Wear it and you'll be great

For when you have Him with you
Forever your heart be true

Once Again

I’m not sure whether this is something that I can make it through. Before coming here I was pretty sure that this is what I had always wanted. This was right up my streets. This was something that defined me. But it has occurred to me that this is no easy job. And It leaves me in depravity of motivation to continue my service here.I hope it’s just a passing feeling, the very feeling that has always become the bane of my life since I started working here .A friend of mine said that I was too ambitious that I couldn’t come to terms to my current situation, being a novice who needs to accept the fact that the learning process is a long way to go. Yes, It does not happen overnight. However hard I try to get shot of it, it stills keeps trying to crowd on in me. It makes me feel dispirited. What’s more with not-so -good stories I’ve heard about myself lately. There are souls out here think that I m not really up to the mark . Ironically why they chose me to be working with them in the first place if they think of me otherwise. I must say I’m a bit baffled as to what they really want from me and now I’m beginning to doubt my own ability whether or not I am really cut out for the job. Only time will tell.

My oh My

I really had a bad hair day today. The morning didn’t turn out well for me when I got to know that one of the big wigs at my workplace is still speaking ill of me. He seems to be dissatisfied with my English when nobody has, as far as I know, a problem with it. I heard that he doesn’t like me putting on an American accent with a bit of its Kelantanese counterpart when I speak. Well, what’s the big deal about it? I’ve been using it for as long as I can remember and no body has so far lamed into me in that matter. What’s hurt me is the fact that he keeps telling people he meets the same story, of me not clearly pronouncing words and all. I do admit that I need to work a bit on my voice projection and I think that is what has caused this hullabaloo. Such a chatterbox he is. He shouldn’t have chosen me for the position in the first place if he thought that I was not up to the mark. This whole thing leaves me in despair and frustration. His bad-mouthing would definitely affect me in someway. Other staff are likely have doubt about my ability in my own field. What have I done really that he seems to have no pang of guilt in spreading bad stories about me? Hasn’t he got something better to do? Being on top doesn’t mean that he has every right to criticize people and being genius doesn’t even make him any better from his subordinates. Argh, enough about the person. I should actually count my self lucky for having such good friends- a bunch of rays of sunshine I would take them as, that I can always rely on. They tried so hard to pacify me this morning so that I didn’t really take it to heart.

By the way, I had a great outing with a few of my jovial and irritatingly fun colleagues just now. We went out to have our dinner at a restaurant that is just so abuzz with people looking for some respite I suppose. The place has become a stomping ground, I reckon for people in Kota Bharu on the weekend. They come here with friends and family that the ambiance of that place seems rather homey. It’s quite therapeutic to be seated by the riverbank while having your meals in the presence of those who never seize to make you laugh. They broke the night with jokes and funny anecdotes, mostly sleazy ones. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter throughout that joyfully half -crappy -half -informative chinwag. I really had the time of my life. How I wish I could make a night of it.

Here I am

Reading blogs has always been my cup of tea. Blogs filled with a whole lot of amazing stories by different kinds of people of different estimations on life never stop to amaze me. Sentiments intertwined in their stories gleaned from their experiences have urge me to share my own. Experiences that can probably serve as lessons of life .Besides; I think this is the only way by which I can hone my writing skills.-passion for writing that’s always been there for as long as I can remember.
It was actually this particular person who got me into blogging. A good friend of mine whose stories always get my attention. I had promised him to start my own blog, way back during years of my life at the Alma meter, but given the fact that the gut was still not there then, I decided to put it off until today, with the bursting desire to share what I’ve got, here I am, plopping in my seat, poised to pen for you stories that you may or may not like. Stories from someone who is still wet behind the ears, still in quest for a better life. Someone whose journey is filled with shards of past life. Someone who wants to make amend of those wasted past life and someone who’s willing to learn.

Happy reading